2006-05-28 - 2:19 p.m.

Dear Czech language enthusiasts (I am told there are virtually dozens of you),

I am tempted to try and write this entry in Czech, but I know it would be horrible grammatically and likely even if one could understand it, it would be quite boring as I have only a limited vocabulary. Although I could say that I have a little monkey, which in actuality means I am a little drunk. That would of course be ridiculous as I am not drunk nor do I have a little monkey. Although I did see one for sale at the pet store, it was about $700.

I tell you something, if I am going to buy a $700 monkey when it flings poo, and it will fling poo, it better do it with good aim and on command.

With that said, I would be careful if you intend to learn Czech on the point of pronounciation. For instance, you may try to say something simple like, "I have little money," but mispronounce the Czech word for money and end up saying, "I have a little penis." While I can assure you that other people will find this quite funny and laugh, oh how the bastards will laugh, you will be standing confused and feeling very self-conscious about your financial situation.

Finally, the second you decide to travel outside the Czech Republic you will realize how incredibly foolish you are for spending your time learning a language which is spoken only in one place in the world and happens to be the third hardest language in the world. The Czech language is dying, like Hawaiian soon it will only be a commodity for tourism as all Czechs will learn some other language anyway to fit into the restr of the world.

If you want to speak Czech you must be an idiot. Bye for now, I have to go study.

the writer

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