2006-08-12 - 6:03 p.m.

Dear Sir Flapcious,

You are a great hero, and you deserve your story to be told.

Sir Flapcious is currently a knight of the Czech Republic. His armor is a sterling silver with an irredescent pink tint and his page is a blanket named 'Hephestas,' although I am not quite sure of the spelling. Sir Flapcious has had many adeventures, but one which was quite harrowing was that of, 'Sir Flapcious and the Five Bean Salad.'

It started when Sir Flapcious decided he was quite tired of being beaten mercilously by the other knights, particularly Sir Thumpsalot. He decided that he would win over the others by throwing a dinner party. The invitations were printed in calligraphy and everything was in order, with a special promise of Sir Flapcious's World Famous Five Bean Salad. Sadly though, when he went to the cupboard he could only find four types of beans and an empty jar.

"oh dear Hephestus, this won't do at all. Shall I just make a four bean salad?"

". . . "

"Oh, your right, that just won't do, Ladie's Home Journal said that bean salads should only come in prime numbers and three just isn't special enough to win over the other knights. We must quest forth into the Nature Hephestus!"

". . ."

But the quest would be just that. The fifth bean, the fabled 'African-American Hip Hopping Bean' (a distant relative of the Mexican jumping bean), was kept only on the highest shelf, of the furthest market in all the land, and before it usually stood hooligans who were reknowned for thier wicked tongue lashings.

Armed with his sword, shield and trusty blanky Hephestus, Sir Flapcious set out upon his journey, not to be denied in his pursuit he took an accompaniment of various toiletries and such so as never to feel 'not so fresh' in his pursuit. A knight after all must also be a gentleman.

As he left the building where his flat was his pink armor gleamed in the sun, clutching Hephestus tightly he looked, at a distance like an abolone shell with a napkin hanging out of it. needless to say once he reached the highway he was able to hitch a ride quite easily.

Fairly soon a deisel truck pulled over and the door was opened.

"Well where the hell are you going freak show." Said the crude man from inside the cab, clearly he was not a knight.

"Excuse me?" replied Sir Flapcious.

"Where are you heading?"

"I am going to the land which hath no name, for there they have a much celebrated and often sung upon bean that I must retain for a dinner party the next eve. I hope to procure said beans quickly as I also must tidy up my abode before I return as it appears a shambles. I dearly hope I do not run into my nemisis, Count Evildocious."

"Uh huh, and where is this, 'land with no name?'"

"I believe you just hop on the 102 and it is about one hundred kilometers or so."

"Alright, I'm heading through there anyway if you want a ride, but there isn't a lot of room up here and what with you in that big pink number and all, well, you'll have to put your stuff in the back."

He said it in such a cavalier manner that Sir Flapcious wondered if he had any idea what it meant for a knight to be seperated from his page, sword and other possessions. Still, he was trying to help so Sir Flapciouos felt strangly obliged. As he loaded his belongings into the back of the truck his heart skipped a beat.

"Don't worry Hephestus, it will only be but for a short time my loyal servant and we shall be happily reunited to face our quest when we reach 'the land with no name.'" Although Sir Flapcious did his best to sound confident, his voice shook as he had never been seperated from Hephestus since he had been a small boy. And even as his armor grew larger with the passing years, so did his love for Hephestus. "Good night sweet Heph."

Sir Flapcious went to get in the cab when the truck started to drive off.

"Wait, you seem to have forgotten me! Kind Sir, you haveth my Blanky!" He tried to run after the truck, but encumbered by the clunky pink suit he soon fell over in the highway and was hit by a SmartCar. It was totalled and Sir Flapcious's giant pink feather from his helmet was lost in the collision, other than that he was physically fine, but the anguish he felt at the lost of Hephestus, he felt may never heel.

(End of Part 1- Sir Flapcious and the Five Bean Salad)

the writer

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